DOWN AT 

UNCLE HIRAM'S 



A Musical 

Drama in Three Acts. 



By 

SAMUEL MILLER. 

'I 



A FEW COPIES ONLY PRINTED FQP 
INSPECTION AND STUDY OE PARTS. 



LIBRARY of 00NQRES8 

iwo Copies (ieceivou 

AUG 24 1905 

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DO WN A T UNCLE HIBAAFS. 
A Musical Drajiia. 



CHARACTERS. 

Uncle Hiram WellER, a typical Yankee farmer 

Aunt Elsie, Uncle Hiram's zvife. 

Nellie W , their beautifiil daug-fiter. 

Eddie W , their hopeful son. 

Walton Cameron, a young- collegian. 

Eva Stearns, ) , . , ^^^-^ . 
May Hoyt, \ ^ride-maids. dc. 

(tEO. Worth, best man. 
Parson Adams, officiating clergy?nan. 
Lieut. Gov. Wayne and lady. 
Edkins, Uncle Hirain s hired man. 
Mrs. Edkins, zvife of hired man. 
Uncle Ephraim, the colored innsician. 

Job Porter, \ 

Miles Morton, - Uncle Hiram's relatives. 

Rob. Thorn, ) 

JVeighbors, musicians, attendants, dc. 



DOWN AT UNCLE HIRAM'S. 



Brief Synopsis. 

The scene of our sketch is laid in one of the ru- 
ral districts of New England. Hiram Weller is a 
well-to-do farmer with a kind, motherly sort of a 
wife, a beautiful daug-hter and a bright son who is 
fast approaching- manhood. 

They occupy a typical New Eng-land farm-house 
which has long- been a kind of gathering- place for 
the relatives and neighbors; and to miss a social 
event at Uncle Hiram's, was counted a loss indeed. 

Our sketch opens with such a gathering on ii 
pleasant Sunday afternoon in early autumn. While 
the women are inside, engaged in social chat, or as- 
sisting* in spreading the bounteous dinner-table, the 
men have strolled out under the appletrees, smok- 
ing, whittling and talking, — occasionally cracking 
a timely joke — till Walton Cameron, a young col- 
legian and neighbor's son who manifests a decided 
preference for Uncle Hiram's daughter, comes on 
the scene, when the men turn to banter him on the 
technical terms of his scientific training, and finally 
insist on a song, which after a little parleying he 
good-naturedly renders in such excellent form that 
their banter turns to praise. 



4 DOWN AT LNCIvE HIRAM 's. 

Then the younger ones approach Uncle Hiram 
on the subject of having- a Paring- Bee ; and just 
as his consent is gained and the date fixed, Nellie's 
welcome voice is heard calling" all hands to dinner. 

The paring- bee is duly held mid much merriment 
and social jollity, and ends with a dance; the party 
having- brought with them Uncle Ephraim, a col- 
c)red musician living in the neig-hborhood; and by 
the flickering light of the fireplace the old darkey 
times their feet in the cotillion and the waltz till 
the time for parting comes, when those fresh young- 
voices gather in the center of the room and sing- 
their beautiful Good Night chorus. 

On this night, during a little tetc-a-tetc, thosv 
words were spoken between Nellie Weller and 
Walton Cameron which plighted their troth; and 
we next see them taking a pleasant stroll in the 
iields, when they decide to go at once to Nellie's 
parents and ask consent to their early union, which 
is duly gained. 

The wedding ceremony is performed in Uncle 
Hiram's 'square room' , the cong-ratulations of the 
assembled guests have been received, and then out 
in the darkness breaks forth that well known din, 
the old-fashioned 'Horning-'. 

Uncle Hiram leads the bridal party to the dining 
room, and then goes out with a pail of cider to treat 
the boys; gaining their favor, and inducing them 
to chang-e the music to a vocal serenade. — [Here 
the double male quartette gets i)i its \Jork.) 



DOWN AT UNCLE HTRAM S. D 

We next see our young- wedded couple in a pleas- 
ant home, receiving- a call from a political commit- 
tee, who have come to offer young- Cameron a place 
on their party ticket for an important State office; 
his broad culture and sterling* qualities of mind 
and heart having* already been recog*nized by men 
of position and influence. 

The election has passed, our young* friend has 
received a complimentary^ majority of votes, and 
in the midst of an ovation is thanking* his constitu- 
ents, while colored li^'hts, national flag's, and stir- 
ring" vocal and instrumental music cheer the scene. 

— In one of the beautiful mansions of the State 
capital we next meet the Hon. Walton Cameron 
and his lovely wife, surrounded by all the comforts 
and luxuries befitting their station. The footman 
announces some callers, and Uncle Hiram and wife 
are ushered in. With joyous emotions, g^reeting-s 
are exchang*ed, a pleasant visit is had, enlivened 
by Uncle Hiram's quaint remarks and sly jokes, 
and then he invites them back to the old farm-house 
for Thanksg-iving-; and they gratefully accept. 

Thanksgiving day arrives, the guests assemble, 
and a joyous, old-fashioned time is had; the hum- 
blest guest meeting on an equality with the most 
favored one; while music and song enliven the oc- 
casion: the curtain descending- on a full chorus. 



DOWN AT UNCLE HIRAM^S 



ACT I. 



Scene I. — Aii old-fashioned farm-house partially 
visible at the ri§^ht{pr left), the rejuainder a side 
yard shaded zuith appletrees, and containing- the 
usual accessories — aii old-fashioned vjell, a g-rind- 
stone, one or tzvo chicken cages, etc. 

In the shade of the trees five or six men are 
lou)iging and chatting — some smoking aiid others 
ZL'hittling, while an occasioiial rattle of china, or 
subdued ripple of feminine laug'hter is heard from 
the inside. As Uncle Hiram comes on the scene 
o)?e of the men addresses him thus: — 

Job Porter. Wall, Uncle Hiram ! ef it wa'nt 
Sunday, this 'ud be a purty gfood craowd tew 
turn into yer pertater dig-o-in', eh? 

UncCvE Hiram. Ay, ay ! but thar's th' trouble; I 
never g'it th' craowd when thar's a chance o' 
o-ittin' any work done; but by th' rattle of th' 
dishes, und th' smell of victuals frum th' kitch- 
in, I reckon ye' 11 all be a workin' ez hard ez I 
care tew have ye, in a little while. 

Miles Morton, (losh. Uncle Hiram! I wish I 
wiis a workin' naow ! 



DOWN AT UNCLE HIRAM S. / 

Rob. Thorn. O, Miles likes to work. He always 
pines fur haying'-time in th' winter, 'nd fur snow 
shovelino- in th' summer; and I've never known 
him to shirk a chicken dinner. 

Job Porter. Hello ! Here comes young* Walt. 
Cameron, just home from college; and naow g-o 
easy, boysl — (B?i/c?' Walton Cameron, shaking- 
hands and cxcha}ig'i)i§- grcethig-s all around.) 

Uncle Hiram. Wall, Walton! they tell me ye've 
g-ot niofh abaout threw at colleg-e, und I s'pose 
ye '11 sune be home und ready tew g-ive us some 
p'inters in th' manag-ement uv aour affairs, eh? 
. — ( With a sly zL'i//h at the others.) 

Walton Cameron. Your supposition is entirely 
without foundation, Mr. Weller. While we are 
taug-ht some thing-s in coUeg-e that are not famil- 
iar to all, yet we are also taug-ht that there is 
not so much difference between a wise man and 
a fool; and this being- true, what presumption it 
would be for one of my moderate attainments to 
proffer direction or advice to men of your broad- 
er experience and sterling* g-ood sense. 

Uncle Hiram. {Patting- Walton on the shoulder) 
Si2y, Boy! that's g'ot th' rig'ht ring* in it, und I 
don't b'lieve yere g-oin' tew have a very sirious 
attack uv th' big--head. 

Miles Morton. But I g-uess what Uncle Hiram 
means, Walton, is that ye moug-ht 'lucidate to 
us what the agricult'ral papers is a talkin' so 
much abaout — th' effect uv oxygin und nitrog-in 



8 DOWN AT UNCLE HIRAM S. 

und hy'g-in und so forth, awn growin' crops. 

Uncle Hiram. Say, Miles ! don't ye be troublin' 
yerself abaout Uncle Hiram's intrust in oxyg'in 
ur hy'g'in, ur any other kind o' grin. Old Holland 
g-in's good enoug'h fur me. But we hear, Walt- 
on, that ye belong* tew th' colleg'e g'lee club, und 
kin dew a sma't turn at sing-in'^ — naow s'pose ye 
g-ive us a g-ood Sunday song" 'fore th' women 
folks call us tew dinner. 

(^Ardent appeal from the others,) — Yes, Walton, 
that's the ticket — that's what we want — g-ive 
us a song" — a song", Walton ! 

Walton Cameron. Oh really, you must excuse 
me; you are g^reatly over-estimating- my musical 
ability, and if I should beg-in to sing", you'd soon 
wish that we had continued the subject of 'ox\'- 
gin and hy'g'in.' 

{All hands protest )—^o, no! never mind about 
that — it's th' song- we want — g'o ahead ! 

Walton Cameron. {G jod )iatnredly,) All rig-ht 
gents, I've given you fair warning: remember 
the fences are low, if any of you want to escape. 
I will give you — {Names selection.) 
He begins a popular sacred song, and the men at 
first exchange sly nods and winks, but as the song- 
progresses they manifest a keen appreciation, and 
heartily applaud and praise the singer at its close. 
Then Uncle Hiram is approached as follows: — 
Rob. Thorn. Say naow, Uncle Hiram! why not 
g-ive th' young folks a Pari)ii^-l)ee while Walton 



DOWN AT UNCLE HIRAM's. 9 

is home? You 've got th' room and th' apples, 
and Uncle Ephraim daovvn in th' Holler, 's got 
th' fiddle. Why not brino- 'em all into use, and 
have a g-ood time? 

UncIvK Hiram. Robert, ez th' lawyers say,— yer 
petition is relevant, material, und proper; und 
besides, I was young* once myself. Fix a suita- 
ble date, und we'll call it settled. 

Rob. Thorn. Haow abaout next Wednesday eve- 
ning-? (All express approval, and the speaker 
eoutinues) — All right then; Wednesday evening- 
we'll call it; and I want ye to see to it, boys, 
that everybody g-its thar, including- Old Uncle 
Ephraim \\ ith his fiddle. 

Just then Nellie Weller's musical voice is heard 
calling- all hands to dinner. With expressions of 
pleasure the men respond, while Nellie coyly comes 
forward and g-reets Walton C, and g-ives him a 
personal escort, w^hile all pass off the stag-e. 

The costumes in this scene should be such as 
well-to-do country people wear, with just a little 
touch of hay-seed, but not exag-g-erated. 



Scene 11.^ — A typieal old time farm-house kiteheu 
with an open fireplace and simulated log- fire at 
the rear center; and as this scene is to be tised 
three times, it could be a set piece well tozuard the 
rear part of the stag-e. 



10 DOWN AT UNCIvE HIRAM's. 

The date of the PARING-BEE has arrived,and 
Uncle Hiram, Aunt Elsie, and Nellie are putting- 
the room {Scene II.) in readiness for the occasion 
l\y bring-ing" in tables and chairs, and a basket of 
apples to be pared, quartered, cored, and strung* 
by the invited g"uests. As they proceed with their 
work, they converse thus : 

Aunt Elsie. {Enterhig- first.) Come Nellie, you 
and Pa must help me get the room ready for the 
Paring-hee. To-nig'ht's the nigfht, you know, 
and they'll soon be here. You help me with the 
chairs and tables, and Pa will bring the apples. 

Nellie WellER. {Entering-.) All rig-ht, Mamma! 
wont this be jolly. Papa is coming- with a bask- 
et of apples. 

Uncle Hiram. {Eiitering^ and setting dozj?i a 
basket of apples.) Thar, Mother! you 'nd Nellie 
kin arrang-e 'em in th' pans und platters as suits 
yerselves, und I'll g-o aout ag-in und finish up 
th' chores.— Haf tew fix up a few poles awn th' 
barn floor, I s'pose, tew keep thar hosses frum 
kickin' one another. Hosses don't alwes show 
g-ood hoss sense ef they g-it in a craowd. {retires) 

Aunt Elsie. I s'pose Walton Cameron will be 
here to-nig-ht, wont he, Nellie? 

NeIIiE WeIIer. O certainly. Ma! He's to be the 
g-uest of honor, you know; the boys planned this 
occasion for his benefit. He'll surely be here. 

Aunt Elsie. What do you think of him, Nellie? 

NeHiE WeHer. O, Ma! I think he's just lovely 



DOWN AT UNCLE HIRAM's. 11 

but— (/;/ r()}i/i(si<)}t,) — don't tell anybody I said 
that — don't tell — O, they're coming-, Ma! 

The conversation is cut short by a rumbling" of 
wheels and ming-ling- of voices outside, indicating" 
that the g*uests are arriving*. — In they troop, all 
talking- and laug-hing*; the men shaking- hands, and 
the g-irls g-reeting- Nellie and her Ma with a kiss: 
and bring-ing- up the rear, comes Old Uncle Eph- 
raim with his violin, who crosses the stag-e and 
disappears till wanted. 

The company lay off their hats and wraps — {At 
the side,) and then seat theniselves at the tables; 
Nellie and Walton C, haf>pening- to occupy adja- 
cent seats at the same table. All chat and laug-h 
promiscviously, tw^o or three talking- at once, {Any- 
thing- to keep up the Jolly,) as is usual on most of 
social occasions. 

Two or three real apples are laid on the top of 
the pan or tray setting- on each table, and the re- 
maining' contents are made up of wooden balls cut 
into four quarters, and held tog-ether by a thread. 

The real apples are carefully pared by the guests 
and at each table in succession a lady or g-entleman 
takes a complete, unbroken paring, swings it care- 
fully around the head, and drops it over the right 
shoulder to the floor, while several of the company 
rise to see what letter the paring has dropped into 
the form of; and then they banter him or her, on 
the assumption that it indicates the first letter of 
the first name of their future partner for life; and 



12 DOWN AT UNCLE HIRAM's. 

such remarks as: — 'O, yes! that's E. plain enoug-h 
— that stands for Eva, and there she is, rig-ht by 
vour side.' Or if a gentleman, — 'O, yes! J. stands 
for Job, that modest chap next to yon,' etc. 

Meanwhile the threads are being cut on the imi- 
tation apples, letting- them drop into quarters, each 
one of which has a hole through it, and these are 
strung like beads, to be hung up for drying. 

Finally Walton C, who has been very attentive 
to Nellie, tries his hand at throwing an apple par- 
ing. All watch the result, and several declare it 
is a perfect 'N. for Nellie, you know, Walton,' — 
and thus on, with banter and laughter. 

Then Rob. Thorn, who sits toward the audience 
rises to make a motion: — 

Rob. Thorn. Ladies and g-entlemen ! I rise tew 
make a motion. — I move that a committee be ap- 
pointed tew wait awn Uncle Hiram, and invite 
him tew bring in some of that new cider he had 
made the other day. 

While Rob. is standing, Eva Stearns slys round 
and removes his chair, placing the large basket in 
its place, and sitting down, he drops into it. 

Mid shouts of laughter, he rises with the basket 
sticking to him, and one young man gets hold of 
his collar, and another hold of the basket, and pulls 
him out of it. Meanwhile Eva Stearns goes to take 
her seat, when May Hoyt deftly removes Eva's 
chair, and sets the basket in its place, and she sits 
down in it mid shouts of mirth from the company. 



DOWN AT UNCIvE HIRAM's. 13 

As the lauofhter subsides Uncle Hiram comes in 
with a tray of g-lasses and pitcher of cider, saying: 

Uncle Hiram. Wall naow, young- folks! yeVe 
worked purty well, considerin' all th' bad luck 
some of ye've had — eh, Robert? und I'm willin' 
tew stan' th' cider. {Pours out and passes.) 

Rob. Thorn. Say, Uncle Hiram, this wont ele- 
vate a feller, will it? 

Uncle Hiram. Not when he's daown in th' bot- 
tom uv a baskit, it wont ! 

Rob. T. No no, I mean it wont ^o tew a feller's 
head — it wont intoxicate, will it? 

Uncle H. Not ez enybody knows on. Why man, 
this cider's th' pure, unferminted juice uv spitz- 
enberg- apples; it wouldn't hurt Domine Swaller 
tew take a swaller uv this ! (Sounds of tuning' 
a violin.) Say, young- people. Uncle Ephraim's 
gittin' oneasy aout in th' other room — I hear him 
tunin' his fiddle. Mebbe ye'd better clear th' 
floor naow, 'nd g-it ready fur dancin'. I s'pose 
that's what ye've come fur, anyway! 

[Several voices.) O Uncle Hiram, you're a good 
one! we'll take you at your word — here we go! 
The floor is cleared and Uncle Ephraim comes in 

with his violin. He is seated, and then: — 

Job Porter. Naow Uncle Ephraim, give us the 
Lancers. (Raising- his voice,) Lead awn naow 
fur th' Lancers ! 
The set is formed, Nellie being led away by 

Walton C, and the beautiful Lancers' Quadrille 



14 DOWN AT UNCIyE HIRAM's. 

is presented, while the rest of the company appear 
as pleased spectators. 

The dance is finished, the floor cleared, and: 
Job Porter. Naow, Uncle Eph. ^ive us a waltz. 
{Several voices,) Yes that's rig-ht, that's rig-ht, 

Job! let's have a waltz next! 

UnceE Kph. Whut one shell I done play, chil'n? 

Job Porter. Why play th' only one yon know — 
th' one you always play — that's good enoug-h. 

UNCIyE Eph. All roig-ht. Mass' Job! 

And soon several couples, including* Nellie W. 
and Walton C. are g-liding- to the tune of the beau- 
tiful 'Home, Sweet Home' waltz, while the fitful, 
flickering- lig-ht of the open fireplace, the old bald 
and g-ray darkey bending- over his violin, and the 
g-liding- forms of the beautiful young- dancers under 
the varying- hues of Subdued Colored Li§^ht, make 
a picture of enchanting- beauty. 

Finally the music dies out in a low wail, the 
dancers cease, and the old musician is seen placing 
his instrument in its case; and the company are 
reminded that it is time to depart. While a little 
love scene in pantomime is being- enacted at the 
side by Walton C, and Nellie W, time is called by 
one of the company, as follows : 

Miles Morton. Time's up, young people! Uncle 
Ephraim knows when; and naow let us extend 
aour sincere thanks tew Uncle Hiram and Aunt 
Klsie, and g-ive them our g-ood-nig*ht song! Line 
u[) here naow! — (yl;/^/ the compajiy irather in 



DOWN AT UNCIvE HIRAM's. IS 

position and sing^ a pofmlar chorus; concludin<r 
as the curtain descends o7i Act I.) 

The costumes of the men are the same as in the 
iirst scene, while the ladies are tastily, but plain- 
ly robed. 



ACT II. 

Scene I. — This scene may 7'e pre sent a stretch of 
forest, yield, or g-rove, in which Walton C, and 
Nellie W, are taking- a stroll. They come on the 
scene arm in arm, and converse thns : 

Nellie W. Then you are g"oing- away to-mor- 
row, Walton? 

Walton C. Yes Nellie, but in a few weeks I 
shall complete my studies, and then I shall hast- 
en home to claim you for my bride. You know 
that you have given me your promise! 

Nellie W. Why yes — I know — but this is so 
sudden; and we haven't asked my parents yet— 
what will they say? — {With emotion,) I could 
not leave my father who has ever been so kind 
to me, and my mother who has been naug"ht but 
tenderness and love, without their consent; and 
with them family ties are strong-, and of all the 
happy homes in this broad land, none can hold 
more of happiness than the humble farm-house 
which has sheltered me ! 

Walton C. Nor would I wish to take you from 



16 DOWN AT UNCLE HIRAM S. 

them without their full and free consent; for I 
believe that we owe a debt to our parents which 
all the affection and consideration of maturer 
years cannot more than repay; and when I am 
found wanting- in filial regard for worthy par- 
ents, may my name be forgotten among men! Sslj 
but that I may claim you on my return — with 
your parents' consent, and we will see them at 
once, that I may know my fate! {Turn to g-o.) 
Nellie W. {Laug-hing-,) Don't you think it will 

be a little embarrassing, Walton? 
Walton C. No embarrassment shall deter me 
when the happiness of two lives is at stake; let 
us go at once! 

They pass off the stage, and the scene lifts, dis- 
closing the old farm-house kitchen again, (6'6Y';/^ it 
Act i.) Aunt Elsie is working some butter in a 
wooden bowl on the table, while Uncle Hiram is 
warming his hands at the open fireplace: — 

Uncle Hiram. Whar's Nellie, Mother? Haint 
heerd her warble sence I've been hum frum th' 
saw-mill. Seems kind o' lonesome like, not tew 
hear her chirrup ! 

Aunt Elsie. She and Walton went aout for a 
walk a little while ago. He's goin' back to col- 
lege to-morrow, you know. 

Uncle Hiram. O, so! Kinder 'pears tew me 'at 
they're a gittin' purty — 0,here they come naow! 
{Enter Nellie and Walton.) Hello Nellie! Haow 
do, Walton; right glad tew see ye! So ye're 



DOWN AT UNCI^E HIRAM's. 17 

g"oin' back to skule ag-'in termorrer, eh? 

WaLtTON C. Yes Mr. Weller, and pardon my ab- 
ruptness — I have come to ask of you and Mrs. 
Weller, before I g-o, a very important favtH*. It 
has doubtless been observed by you that there 
has long- existed between Nellie and me a close 
friendship, which has been fostered by cong-enial 
tastes and sympathies and aspirations; nor is it 
strang-e that with younof people like us, such a 
friendship should develop into a warmer senti- 
ment — a desire to travel life's journey tog-ether; 
and we come to ask 3^our consent to, and bless- 
ing- on our union. 

Uncle Hiram. Wall naow, this is jest a leetle 
suddin like, 'nd I don't know jest what t' say! 
Young- man ! it ud be like takin' a little sing-in' 
bird aout uv th' home nest, tew take Nellie fr'm 
here. But ef ye're both sot on't, ef Mother 's 
willin' I'd be a confaounded ole duffer, to stand 
aout, seein'ts th' way uv th' world, 'nd Mother 
und I was young- once aourselves.^ — ^What say, 
Mother ? 

Aunt Elsie. Well Hiram, while I should g-reatly 
miss Nellie from the old home, for she has been 
not only a loving- and obedient daug-hter, but also 
a dear companion to me, yet I must not let my 
selfishness stand in the way of her future hap- 
piness; and I know of none more worthy of her, 
than him who now seeks her hand. 

Uncle Hiram. Wall naow, that saounds purty 



18 DOWN AT UNGIvE HIRAM 'S. 

much ez ef ye'd g-ot aour consent; 'nd naow, ef 
an old man's blessings any g'ood tew ye, ye've 
got that in th' barg-ain. But when's this affair 
tew come off ? 

Walton C. I shall be home for good in about six 
weeks; and may I then claim my bride? 

Uncle Hiram. Oh, it's a leetle soon — but it ud 
prob'bly alwes be a leetle soon; so take yer own 
way on't — th' old haouse'll be ready. 

Walton C. Many, many thanks! You have made 
me very happy! — and now I bid you g'ood day. 
{Shakes hands with Uncle Hiram and zvife and 
g-oes out, Nellie following-.) 

^NCLE Hiram. Wall Mother, th' old home'U be 
a leetle lonely when th' lig^ht g^oes aout uv it tew 
li^'ht another home; but Nellie's a woman naow, 
und we couldn't keep 'er alwes; 'nd we'll have 
Eddie yet — he's a brig-ht, sma't boy, 'nd may 
be aour comfort 'nd — 

(' Uncle Hiram's discourse is cut short by sounds 
of laughter and shuffling of feet just outside.) 

Uncle Hiram. {Calling aloud.) Hey thar, boys! 
What's th' raow aout thar? somebody g-ot a fit? 

15ddie WellER. {Laughing, looks in saying). It's 
th' new hired man. Pa! He's been a tellin' us 
haow he kin dance, 'nd so, just fur fun, we g-ot 
'im at it— and say! th' durned feller kifi dance; 
you'd be su 'prised ! 

Unclw Hiram. Bring* 'im in, Eddie; mebbe th' 
confaounded feller's g-ood fur th' blews. Haint 



DOWN AT UNCLE HIRAM 's. 19 

showed hisself a big* success, so fur, et anythiu' 
else ! — {Eddie iD'ings in the somezuhat reluctant 
man^ zvho is addressed thus : — ) 

Uncle Hiram. Say, Edkins ! th' boys tell me 
yew kin dance; und naow I'll tell ye what I'll 
dew. — You dance off this blew spell thet's ofot 
holt uv me, und I'll give ye half a day off ter- 
morrer tew g-o t' th' Caounty Fair. Eddie'U pat 
th' time fur ye, so naow roll up yer pants so we 
kin see yer feet, 'nd sail in ! — ( The man tnakes 
a fezu slight protests^ and then gives a rousing 
good dance, Uncle H. laughing and applaud- 
in/g, and Scene Hi. desccTids on the fiyiish.) 

Scene III. This sce^ie represents Uncle Hiram' s 
''Square room,'' or parlor, ayid two young ladies 
enter, conversing thus: — 

Eva Stearns. Well now, isn't this a novel sit- 
uation? We two chosen bride-maids, and are 
here to decorate Uncle Hiram's parlor for Nel- 
lie's wedding-, to come off this evening"! Don't 
you wish it was us? {Laughing.) 

May HoyT. Why, what an expression, Eva! Is 
there not time enoug-h in our case? but if Nellie 
and Walton wish to marry, we'll arrang-e the 
floral decorations, and they and the Domine will 
do the rest. — Now help me slide the g-reat floral 
horseshoe in place, under which they are to be 
married, and then we'll arrang'e the festocms. 

A floral horseshoe might be arrang-ed to slide on 



20 DOWN AT UNCIvE HIRAM *S. 

t\vo overhead wires from the rig-ht, to the left of 
tlie stage, and a low pedestal for the Parson to 
s1and on moved in from the left side. Festoons or 
r(»pes of flowers and ribbons might be hung among 
the wings of the right side, and the two girls take 
the loose ends, bring them across to the horseshoe, 
and by the aid of a short hooked handle, hook them 
to the horseshoe. Then when the time came for 
changing the scene, the horseshoe could quickly 
be slid back intp the right wings again, and all of 
the festoons would go with it. Tw^o or three plants 
or palms might be slid in from the side to complete 
the decorations. 

As the girls work, they sing a little snatch of 
some song, make some remarks on the appearance 
of the decorations, etc. , and just as their w^ork is 
completed, Eddie W. comes in to review the scene: 

Eddie WelleR. Well, well, my dear girls! You 
have just done yourselves praoud ! Why th' old 
parlor looks like Floral Hall at th' County fair. 
Anybody 'd like to git married in such a place 
as this. How'd we look under the horseshoe ! — 
( Takes May Hoyt by the arm and leads her un- 
der the horseshoe.) 

Eva Stearns. Oh, you don't look well — I think 
you'd look better in your mother's lap for a 
while yet ! 

Eddie W. Just hear her, will you? She's a 
young lady, I s'pose, and I'm nothing but a kid; 
but I'll bet a big apple that I'm as old as she 



DOWN AT UNCLE HIRAM^S. 21 

is. O Consistency, thou art a jewel ! 
Eva Stearns. Who's a jewel? 
Kddie WeLtI^ER. Consistency — not you ! 
Eva Stearns. Well, I think that in the interest 

of consistency, we had better g-o and g-et ready 

now, or we'll be late. — {And locking- arms with 

the others^ all leave the stage.) 

[Note. A vocal solo mig-ht be thrown in here to 
g-ain time to prepare for the next scene.] 

The Wedding Scene. 

Parson Adams steps out on the pedestal from 
the left side, and the wadding- party come in imme- 
diately after from the rig-ht side, in the following- 
order, the orchestra meanwhile playing* the w^ed- 
ding- march : — The two bride-maids first, Nellie, 
on Uncle Hiram's arm, next, and Aunt Elsie on 
Eddie's arm, next; while Walton C. on the arm 
of his best man, comes on at the same time, but 
not in procession — from another wing- of the same 
side of the stag-e. 

As they approach the Parson they form in a 
curved line, partly facing- the Parson, and partly 
the audience — Walton C. and best man at the left, 
Eddie and Aunt Elsie next, the two bride-maids 
next; Nellie and Uncle Hiram occupying- the rig-ht 
of line, nearest the audience. All are finely cos- 
tumed. Uncle Hiram's style alone being- just a lit- 
tle provincial. — As the music ceases, the wedding- 
ceremony begins : 



22 DOWN AT UNCI^E HIRAM's. 

Parson. Due notice having- been given, Walton 
Cameron and Nellie Weller do now present them- 
selves to be united in the holy bonds of wedlock; 
and if any can g^ive g-ood and sufficient reasons 
why such union should not be consummated, let 
them speak now, or ever after hold their peace. 
— The brideg-room will step forward. {Best rncni 
hands bridegToom forzvard^ and steps back,) 

Parson. Who gives away this woman? 

Uncle Hiram. I dew, Domine ! — {Passes Nellie 
forward zvith a flonrish^ and steps back,) 

Parson. My dear young friends ! the obligation 
which you are about to assume, is the most sa- 
cred and time-honored institution known among 
men. It is the very inception of the home and all 
the hallowed influences that emanate from it to 
make their impress on the lives and destinies of 
mankind. And it should be assumed, not hastily, 
and as the result of a fleeting fancy, but with due 
consideration, based on mutual respect and love. 

In view of the importance of this relation, do 
you, Walton, take this woman to be your lawful 
and wedded wife; promising to love, honor, cher- 
ish, support and protect her, in prosperity and 
adversity, in sickness and in health, through evil 
report and good report, as long as you both shall 
live ? 

Walton C. I do. 

Parson. Do yuu, Nellie, take this man to be your 
lawful and wedded husband; promising to love. 



DOWN AT UNCLE HIRAM's. 23 

honor, cherish, obey and cling* to him, in prosper- 
ity and in adversity, in sickness and in health, 
throug"h evil report and g-ood report, as long" as 
you both shall live? 

Nellie W. I do. 

Parson. Then by the placing- of this ring,(/iands 
ring' to bridegroom^ %v ho places it on the bride.) 
— emblem of true and inseparable union, I pro- 
nounce you Man and Wife; trusting- our official 
act may receive the Divine sanction; "And what 
God hath joined tog-ether, let not man put assun- 
der. ' ' {Extending both hands and taking a hand 
of each,) — And now, Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, I 
most heartily cong-ratulate you on your happy 
union. May prosperity and happiness ever attend 
you, the Divine Spirit ever g-uide and direct you, 
and Heaven's best blessing-s ever be showered 
upon you, is the fervent prayer of your pastor 
and friend. — Turn now, to receive the cong-ratu- 
lations of your friends. — 
The bride and g-room face about, and the two 
bride-maids, accompanied by best man and Eddie, 
come forward and cong-ratulate, — shaking- hands 
with Walton, and kissing the bride. — Next come 
Uncle Hiram and Aunt Elsie; — Aunt Elsie kissing- 
and blessing- them— calling- them her dear children; 
and Uncle Hiram shaking- hands, and saying-: 
Uncle Hiram. Wall naow, child'en ! I wish ye 
much joy; 'nd ez th' Domine said — may peace 'nd 
prosperity 'nd all sich, g-o with ye; und if ye ever 



24 DOWN AT UNCLE HIRAM's. 

need somebody tew stand by ye — 



Uncle Hiram's speech is cut short by a din of 
drums, horns, pistol shots, shouting", etc. , back of 
the stage — the old time ''Horning." As the first 
blast subsides, Uncle H. expresses himself thus : 

UncIvE Hiram. Thar they be — th' boys hev got 
up a hornin' ! but don't ye let it disturb ye, Dom- 
inie! all uv ye toiler me tew th' dinin' room, 'nd 
I'll go aout 'nd pacify them fellers, so's we kin 
hev' aour supper in peace. — (A// follozv Uncle 
Hiram off the stag'e; Aunt Elsie with the Par- 
son^ and the two bride-maids zuith best man and 
Eddie W,), 
In the midst of a second blast the scene lifts, — 

{the floral deco7'ations being" drawn to the sides,) 

and Scene iv. is presented. 

Scene IV. This 7nay be represeyited by the old 

farin-honse and yard of Scene L Act L Under 

a subdued light a motley crozvd of 7nen and boys 

are in front of the old farm-house, blowing, driun- 

ming, firing and shouting — the discord of the old 

lime horning. Uncle Hiram comes out, as from 

the far7n- house, with a pail of cider in one ha7id, 

and so7ne glasses in the other, saying: — 

Uncle Hiram. Naow boys, ye've all done purt}' 

well — that's good music ef anybody likes it, 'nd 

ye must be dry. Come take a little cider 'long'o 

Uncle Hiram ! ( With cries of 'All right! Ton 

a7-e th' ticket r etc, they gather round and par- 



DOWN AT UNCLE HIRAM's. 25 

take^ praising- the qitality of the cider, etc.) — 

UncIvE Hiram. Naow boys, I know ye're all g-ood 
sing-ers, und why not quit this racket 'nd give 
th' folks inside a good raousin' song"? Come awn, 
I'll help ye. {Here is where the Double Male 
Quartette g-ets in its zvork; lining' nf) and g-iv- 
ing- one or two popular four part selections, the 
curtain descending on Act ii, as they finish.) 

ACT III. 

Scene I. This scene represents a pleasant room 
in the village home of our young' friends, Mr. and 
Mrs. Walton Cameron. They come in and arc 
seated, conversing' thus: — 

Wai^Ton C. Well Nellie, do you know that one 
month from to-day will complete the third year 
of our married life ? Nearly three years have al- 
ready passed, and no reg-rets yet, eh ? 

Neli^iE C. O no, Walton ! all has been merry 
as a marriage bell. Health and prosperity have 
attended us all along the way. We have here a 
pleasant and comfortable home, and you have an 
excellent position — O, it was so kind of the ed- 
ucational board of this beautiful village to offer 
you the position of principal of the villag-e High 
School; and they appear to be so well pleased 
with your work. 

WaIvTon C. Yes, they have steadily favored me 
with their approval and co-operation, and were 



26 DOWN AT UNCLE HIRAM's. 

it not that I have loftier aims, I might be con- 
tent always to remain in this beautiful and quiet 

little town, — but {The door-bell ring's^ and 

Waltoyi anszvers it. Three g-entlenien are ush- 
ered m, zvho after heartily g'ree ting" Waltoii C, 
are introduced to Mrs. Cameron, and after a few 
commonplace remarks about the zueather, etc., 
make known their errand, as follows) : 

Spokesman. Prof. Cameron, we have been ap- 
pointed a committee by the 'Young- Men's Good 
Politics State Association', to wait on you and 
submit the following- proposition : — Our associa- 
tion, desirous of filling- the public offices with 
o-ood men, and reg-arding- our educational system 
as the g-reat buhvark of safety to the State, do 
especially desire that the honored office of State 
Superintendent of Public Instruction be filled b}^ 
a man of broad culture and practical g-ood sense, 
backed by a successful experience as a public 
instructor; and believing that we have found our 
man, we come delegated to tender you the nomi- 
nation for this important office; feeling assured 
that we can ratify such nomination at the polls 
in November. We earnestly request a favorable 
and prompt reply. 

WaIvTON C. {With confusion.) — Mr. Chairman 
and gentlemen : I am thoroughly surprised and 
disconcerted at your very novel and unexpected 
errand, and hardly know what repW to make. I 
certainly thank your association from the depth 



DOWN AT UNCLE HIRAM's. 27 

of my heart for their manifest appreciation of 
my humble efforts in the cause of education, and 
for the honor they would do me; and while the 
responsibility seems g-reater to me than I would 
choose to assume, yet with loyalty to the State 
and her institutions which have given me my ed- 
ucational advantag'es, it would be ing^ratitude in 
me not to say, that if no one more elig-ible will 
accept, I will not refuse. This is my answer. 

Spokesman. We thank you, Prof. Cameron, and 
3^ou may consider the matter settled — your name 
g*oes on our ticket, and your election will surely 
follow. And now we bid you and Mrs. Cameron 
gfood day. — {Shake hands and defart^ Mr. and 
Mrs, C. bovjing- them out, and then leaving- the 
stage,) 

Scene II. This represents the front of Walton 
Cameron s village home, with a high porch or a 
balcony. The election has resulted in his favor, 
and his constituents are coming to serenade, and 
notify him of his election. They come on the scene 
ivith musical instruments and zuaving banners, 
while colored lights help to beautify the scene. 

While the band is playing ''The Star Spangled 
Banner \ Mr. and Mrs. Cameron come out on the 
porch or balcony, each zvaving a flag in approval, 
and as the viusic ceases, the Spokesman 7nounts a 
pedestal and addresses Mr. Cameron thtis : 

Spokesman. Prof. Walton Cameron ! To me has 



28 DOWN AT UNCLE HIRAM 's. 

been delegated the honor of notifying- you of 
your triumphant election to the high and re- 
sponsible office of Superintendent of Public In- 
struction. Our State has most emphatically 
declared for a pure and efficient administration 
of her educational affairs; and while we heartily 
congratulate you, we also congratulate ourselves 
on the much desired result; and as your official 
duties will now call you to our State Capital, we 
hope that yourself and family will soon take up 
your abode in the Capital City, of which I am a 
resident; and I think that I voice the general 
sentiment in extending to you a most cordial 
invitation. {Applause.) 

Wal,TON C. Gentlemen and fellow citizens of my 
native state ! I thank you with all my heart for 
this signal expression of personal friendship, and 
liiofh reofard for the interests which I am chosen 
to represent; and if fidelity to the trust commit- 
ted, and untiring industry in the administration 
of its affairs will compensate the people for the 
confidence they have reposed in me, I will strive 
not always to remain their debtor. {Applause.) 
I thank the gentleman for his kind invitation 
to us to make our home in the Capital City; and 
while we have been very contented and happy, 
and shall greatly regret to part with the many 
kind friends we have here, yet convenience and 
duty doubtless demand that the change be made. 
Again I thank you, gentlemen ! {Applause.) 



DOWN AT UNCIvE HIRAM 'S. 2^ 

[ Then the Double Male Quartette line up and 
sing- one or two popular selections, and the rest of 
the company remove the porch or balcony, musical 
instruments and other accessories, to the side, and 
then leave the stage. When the song- is concluded 
the sing-ers also g-o out, and the scene lift^.] 

Scene III. This scene represents a luxurioiis 
apartment in the city home of Mr. and Mrs. Walton 
Cameron. Mrs. Cameron enters {finely costumed) 
seats herself^ and takes up a nezvspaper^ zuhich 
she appears to be reading- as Mr. Cameron comes 
in a momoit later and takes a seat near hcTy dis- 
coursijig" thns: — 

WAiyTON C. Ah ha! taking- ag-lance at the daily 
news, eh ? You have been pretty busy superin- 
tending- the settling- in our new home, and our 
reading- has been somewhat interrupted; but I 
trust we shall have more leisure now. 

NelI/IE C. Yes ! I was just reading- an item in 
one of the city papers which particularly con- 
cerns us. Let me read it to you : (7'eading:) 

"Wed. Nov. 21. — We are happy to announce 
that our new Superintendent of Public Instruc- 
tion, Prof. Walton Cameron and his wife have 
come to make their home in our city. They have 
taken the beautiful Rexford mansion, and will 
be a decided acquisition to our 'Intellectual Set.' 
We extend to them a cordial welcome." 

Wai^ton C. Why, that's a pretty g-ood send-off. 



30 DOWN AT UNCI^E HIRAM's. 

isn't it, Nellie? I g^uess they mean to g-ive us 

the g-lad hand, sure enough ! (The door-bell 

ring's, the footman steps just inside with a card 
from zuhich he reads: ''Lieut, Gov, Wayne and 
Lady J''' — and drops the card into a receiver.) 
Walton C. Show them in, Joseph ! 

( The lady and g'entleman are ushered in, and 
Mr, and Mrs. Cameron courteously, Met not hur- 
riedly, rise to receive them. Cordial g'reeting's 
are exchang'ed, then all are seated and the con- 
versation runs thus:) 

Mrs. Gov. Wayne. Why Mrs. Cameron, you are 
very nicely situated here — such a pleasant home, 
and such a delig-htful neig-hborhood — so many 
disting-uished neig^hbors, — I think you have been 
very happy in your choice of a location ! 

Nellie C. We are well pleased, Mrs. Wayne, 
and after we g-et accustomed to our surrounding's 
we hope to be very happy here, as we were in 
the more modest home from which we came. 

Gov. Wayne. I have no doubt you will be, and 
your many friends here will endeavor to see to it 
that you are; and with this object in view, we 
have called to invite you to a social function at 
**The Alhambra" next Tuesday evening-, and it 
is especially requested that you. Professor, serve 
as toast-master on that occasion. May we count 
on you for that honorable service? 

Walton C. We are certainly very much obliged 
for your kind invitation, and while not coveting- 



DOWN AT UNCLE HIRAM's. 31 

the duty 3^011 would assig-n me, yet I will accept 
it the more willing-ly because it will enable me to 
shift the burden of the speech making- on other 
and abler men, ha ha ! 

Gov. Wayne. Very well ! then I have your con- 
sent — and now we must be g'oing-. Good day — 
( shaking- hands.)— Ait revoir till we meet next 
Tuesday evening-.— f'i^r. and Mrs. Cameron at- 
tend them to the door, then return to their seats.) 

Walton C. Well Nellie, did I do wrong- to ac- 
cept their invitation without consulting- you ? 

Nellie C. Oh no, Walton ! It would have been 
very ung-rateful to refuse. They seem so kind, 

and so disposed to g-ive us a warm welcome 

(The door-bell rings, and the footman appears, 

announcing'' A man and zvoman from the country. 

The 7nan says he's Mrs. Cameron's father.'' ) 

Nellie C. {joyfully^ O, it's Papa and Mamma! 
{hastening to the door, Walton C. following.) 

Walton C. Show them in at once, Joseph ! 

{Uncle Hiram and Aunt Elsie are ushered in, 
and xvarmly greeted by Mr. and Mrs. Ca^neron.) 
Uncle Hiram. Didn't know ez we could find ye 

'mong-st all th' big haouses — but here we be !— 

Law, Mother ! {looking around) haint they g-ot 

a g-rand haouse, thoug-h ? 
Walton C. Well now, lay off your wraps and be 

seated, and tell us about the folks at home. 
UncIe Hiram. Oh no ! we can't stay this time. 

Eddie '11 be at th' depot expectin' uv us awn th' 



32 DOWN AT UNCI^E HIRAM's. 

eight o'clock train, 'nd we Ve got tew gfit thar ! 

Uncle II. and Walton C. sit dozv7i^ zvhile Nellie 
takes Mother aside to shoiu her soine rare f>la)its^ 
pictures^ etc. zuith zuhich the room is decorated ; 
the tzuo apparently beijig- oig-ag-ed in earnest, bid 
i)iaiidible conversation ; the men conversing' thus : 

WaIvTon C. Well, how are all the old neighbors 
at home — well and prospering, I hope? 

UncIvE Hiram. Oh, they're all pooty well, 'nd th' 
most uv 'em prosperin'. But 3'e know thar are 
some folks thet wouldn't git up 'nd shake hands 
with prosperity ef 'twas comin' thar way. 

Walton C. Oh yes! there's Si. Cooper, for in- 
stance, — How is Si. getting on, anyway? 

Uncle Hiram. Waal, pooty much arter th' old 
sort. I'll tell ye!— ef Si. had a toll-gate t' tend 
awn some road whar tha' wa'nt much travel, 'nd 
got pooty good pay, he'd be dewin' pooty tol'ble 
well. Si.'s a chip aout th' old block. Si. is. 

Walton C. You knew his father, then? 

Uncle Hiram. Right well did I know 'im; und 
right well dew I 'member th' last words he ever 
spoke. — Ye see th' old man 'd alwes been a hard 
drinker, shiftliss 'nd thriftliss, und Alf . Mosher 
n'l sot up with 'im th' night 'e died; 'nd th' last 
words he said, he turned over 'nd looked et me, 
und sez'e, *'Hi. ! this is a hard world, 'nd you'll 
dew durned well if ye live t' git aout uv it!" und 
then he was gone, in less'n a minit'! — Oh yes, 
right well dew I 'member th' old man ! 



DOWN AT UNCIvE HIRAM's. 33 

WaIvTon C. And you think Si. is just like him? 

UNCI.E Hiram. Wall, Si. don't drink ez hard ez 
th' old man did, 'cause he wouldn't stir hisself 
t' g-it it; but he's jest ez shif'liss, und a durned 
sio-ht slower'n th' old man was. —Talk abaout 
yer moderation, und yer merlassiz in Jin'wary— 
w'y, that feller's slower'n a canal boat in low 
water \—( consult lug- his zvatch.) But say naow! 
it's g-ittin' time tew git a move on us; so I'll tell 
ye what brought us in t'day — we've come tew 
invite ye t' Thanksgivin'; — und naow don't ye 
say ye can't come; 'cause th' folks'll all be thar. 
und they'll never be content without ye ! 

Nellie C. (coming-forzvard) Yes, Walton ! Ma 
has been telling- me about it, and don't you think 
we can g-o? 

Walton C. Most assuredly I do! Nothing- could 
give me g-reater pleasure than to meet the old 
neighbors and friends in the Old Home again ; 
and many thanks for your kind invitation. We 
will surely be there ! 

Uncle Hiram. All right! ii-ishig-,) then come on. 

Mother, we must go naow, er we'll be late fur 

th' train. Good bye tew ye! 
Walton C. Well, wait a minute !— I'll call the 

carriage and go with you to the train. {Gets his 

top coat and hat and puts them on.) 
NeHiE C. Yes, that's right, Walton ! And now 

Ma, be careful and don't take cold, nor g-et hurt! 

{Footman announces carriag-e, and all go out.) 

wore 



34 DOWN AT UNCI^E HIRAM's. 

Scene IV. This bring's iis back to Uncle Hircun s 

'Square room , or parlor ag'ain. Aunt Elsie comes 

in and bcg-ins to tidy up the room. Uncle Hiram ^ 

strolling- in directly after ^ remarks: 

Uncle Hiram. Wall, Mother! Thanksg-ivin' day 

hes come at last — brigfht und clear; 'nd th' old 

haouse '11 sune be ring-in' ag-'in with th' music 

uv th' young- voices, ez it used tew in th' days 

g"one by. — Haow's th' turkey doin'? Say! he's 

a whopper, aint he? 

Aunt Elsie. Th' turkey's a nice one, and doin' 
well, Hiram; and th' dinner' 11 be on time, {look- 
ing out,) Here come Edkins and his wife naow. 
She'll help me abaout th' dinner. 
( Edkins and his xvife enter, and exchange fa- 
miliar, every-day greeti?igs, — and then a loud rap 
's heard. Uncle Hiraiii goes to the door — and in 
troop all of the company except Walton and Nellie. 
Effusive greetings are exchanged, everybody talk- 
ing at once, till Uncle H. looks out and shouts: 

Uncle Hiram. Hurrah ! here comes Walton und 

Nellie! Come Mother, here come th' child'en ! 

(Mr. and Mrs. Cameron are ushered in zvith an 

affectionate zvelcome by Uncle H. and zvife. Then 

they are ziarmly greeted by the assembled compa- 

)iy ; and zv hen Walton C. receives Edkins' hearty 

shake. Uncle H. steps up and says : 

Uncle Hiram. Say, Walton ! ye want tew con- 

g-ratulit Kdkins — he's been g-ittin' married, ye 

know, und here's his wife: {taking the lady zvho 



DOWN AT UNCLE HIRAM's. 35 

personates Mrs. Ed kins by the arm, a)id faeiu^- 
her about,) — Mrs. Edkins, this is Walton Cam- 
eron thet ye've heerd us talk so much abaout, — 
shake han's with 'im ! 

( Walton C. shakes hands with Mrs. Edkins, ex- 
pressing" his pleasure, a)id then says to Edkins : 

Walton C. Do you dance yet Edkins? You did 
a pretty g-ood turn at it when I lived here ? 

Edkins. Oh no, (squirming') I can't dance — I'm 
g-ittin' old 'nd stiddy naow ! 

Unclk Hiram. Say Walton, he's jest a g*uyin' 
ye naow. He kin dew better'n ever — larnt some 
new steps — ye'd be su'prised ! Give us a tetch, 
Edkins, 'nd help th' folks hev' a good time. 

Mrs. Edkins. {in Edkins' ear,) Say now, don't 
make a g-oose of yourself. I'm g^oin' aout now to 
help Mrs. Weller with th' dinner, (goes out.) 
Walton C. Yes Edkins, g-ive us a turn — I know 

we'll all enjoy it — including- yourself ! 
Edkins. {looking cantionsly around,) Has 6'//^' 
g-one? {voices, yes! yes!) Then I'll tell ye what 
I'll dew! Dancin's no g-ood without sing-in', urd 
naow ef (names singer) will sing- thet piece lie 
or she) sung- at th' picnic last summer, 'nd sing- 
it fust, I'll foUer, 'nd do my best ! 
(This calls for a vocal solo, and a dance; sev^ 
eral of the company urging at the beginning, and 
all applauding at the close of each number. Just 
as the applause subsides Aunt Elsie and Mrs. Ed- 
kins come in and aiinounce that dinner is ready— 



AUG 24 1905 



3() DOWN AT UNCLE HIRAM's. 

and then the scc7ie lifts and discloses the oldfarm- 
honse kitchen zuith its open fireplace ag-ain, and a 
houutifully spread Thank sg-iv in g- dinner-table — a 
ttig turkey in the center. Then says: 

UncIvE Hiram. Naow my g-ood people, come tew 
turkey ! Und 'fore we go, I want tew say iest 
one word tew th' g-ood 'nd patient folks outside: 
— We thank ye rig-lit hearty fur yer attendance 
und attention; und ef we hed a table long- enuff, 
und a turkey big- enuif, w^e'd ask ye all t' stay 
t' dinner. But seein* ez we can't dew that, und 
knowin' by bitter experience thet abaout th* tir- 
edest thing- a man kin dew, is t' set back 'nd see 
another man eat w^hen ye're hung-ry yerself, I'll 
tell ye what we zvill dew; — we'll sing- ye a g-ood 
raousin' song-, und then bid \ e Good Nip-ht ! 

( The Double Male Quartette line up and sing a 
popular selection^ and then the zvhole company 
Join in a full chorus; the curtain descending' 
())/ the closing notes.) 



FINfS. 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 




014 212 064 1 f 



